mars ✨

My mom needed tissues, and my sister was closer to them so she grabbed the box and handed it to me to hand to my mom. I thought there was a spider web on it, but it was just dust, though I have a severe fear of spiders and my sister handed it to me from over my head so I couldn't see it clearly. I flipped out, throwing it across the room and knocking down a lot of stuff that was sitting on a table :T

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THEN MY MOM DECIDED IT WOULD BE COOL AND TOTALLY NOT IMMATURE TO NAME CALL.

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It's not really completely my fault if I have a huge phobia?? I would never do anything like that on purpose..
My arm decided to spasm because my brain saw a 'spider' and tried to flick it off of my hand before I could comprehend that there was nothing but dust there. It was completely involuntary, and I picked everything up and apologized ;0;

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Ever heard of that thing when people feel imaginary bugs crawling on them and sort of flip out jittering trying to get them off?? That's what happened to me. Some girl actully went into the hospital because she was having a 'seizure' and it turned out her muscles were spasming violently because there was a bug crawling on her or something.

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LIKE JEEZ MOM I'M HONESTLY SORRY BUT PLEASE DON'T BLAME ME ENTIRELY FOR IT AND TREAT ME LIKE CRAP

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I've been considering re-adopting my WME, Enno, for quite some time now. He's my only WME, and as much as I love him, I just don't feel like I'm a welcomed member in the WME community.

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I've had Enno for an incredibly long time now, and no one has ever shown even the slightest bit of interest in rping or having their equid become mates with him. I also just can't keep up with so much spam in the fanclub - I don't even check the thread anymore and I wish I could delete it from my posts. I love WMEs, but I just can't do it.

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I've been waiting on my first breeding for over six months - it just seems so unfair that people with at least ten or more equids are stealing up nearly every single breeding. I've just sort of given up at this point, I'm NEVER going to get a slot because of time zones and schedules and crap and I'm flat out frustrated. It seems pointless for me to even have Enno if I literally can't do a single thing with him, and I don't want him to get covered in so much dust. I just want him to actually be used once in a while, but I'm so torn because he's the only equid I have and the single breeding I have planned literally means the world to me, but I guess it's just destined not to happen.

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It's also clearly meant for me to never get another WME - I literally have put my heart and soul into form after form only to be denied every single time. I even spent over three hours just researching my most recent form, putting so much dedication and time and effort all for nothing only to lose to someone who only spent maybe ten minutes. It's flat out unfair. I could of been using that time doing something worthwhile, like seeing a therapist for my depression or eating disorders instead of making them worse. It's just too much stress, I can't handle WMEs anymore. All these species are taking a major toll on me - in the past three months alone I've gone from the best I've ever been back into major depression to the point where I've actually considered pills or something. It's not just CS alone, though. Each little disappointment just piles more and more onto my back, and with my situation at home right now I'm reaching my breaking point. The only problem is that I can't leave CS - I have no one to talk to off of the internet. I can't live without it, but I can't live with it, either.

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I guess I'm mainly wondering, after going off in that pretty dark direction, if anyone would want Enno if I were to put him up for re-adoption? /:

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