Hollywood Daddy

Thumbs down is a reaction to the reality--this, the age of crumbs--that I exist within. Honestly don't understand how any intelligent person can live in america right now without feeling an insurmountable disgust towards what our culture has leveled to. We're ruled by corporations, pharmaceutical companies, war mongering government, militarized police and chemical representations of food once meaningful.

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People don't give a shit about anything except looking cool, obtaining the latest gadget, ejaculating money or pandering for binary value. Genuine individuality is near extinction but there's 400 television channels blasting marketing campaigns, and, oh yeah, $45 nirvana shirts at urban outfitters! Communities are being built around malls. Music is just background noise for drugs and acts of promiscuity with at least 30 of your 'best friends'. Language is meaningless thanks to subversive marketing and reality tv. Everybody is addicted to the availability of convenience but lack any critical thinking skills to fathom what comes before or after what that convenience provides. Men/women shave their fucking scrotum/pelvis because porn is somehow real... It would be easier to list all the shit not completely embarrassing/doomed about our society.

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It's a common ideology to think anything negative is inherently wrong/bad--which is insane. Like, a dissenting voice is held in less esteem than the fucked up shit its criticizing simply because of the fragility of man's ego. In other words, it's better to whisper the lie than admit fault/failure.

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I don't believe i'm a negative person, at all. Really, I'm a mirror. You won't see me being grumpy or hateful or depressing while interacting with children, animals, senior citizens, the mentally/physically handicapped, nature or any person who has the spirit to be an individual.

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I don't think it's terribly difficult to give a shit about something other than yourself, to make a tiny impact on the world you were born into and leave it a slightly better place--even if it's just feeding some starving alley rats half your high-fructose corn syrup laden corn dog.

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If you don't feel a volcano-like hostility surging inside of your soul from witnessing the misuse of the human spirit by the end of each day, then you're a conceited turd or just a self-victimizing punk without the balls to face a reality that's a massive anvil weighing down on your chest.

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Thumbs down is having the resolve to not hide in a digital ant hole, to walk out into the shadow of the anvil and let it crush your organs to soup out of care for the humans you're inherently connected with because enduring the pain brought through defiance is more agreeable than turning over and getting passively raped like everyone else

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Even if those humans are spitting at your face, screaming about 'harshing their buzz' and twitching like crack-fiends while they wait for a drug dealer to announce, 'you've got mail.'

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Strongly advise not visiting los angeles. Every major street has construction of some sort impeding traffic. It makes traveling via surface streets unbearable.

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I consider 2013 the year old los angeles died. Sounds a little dramatic but historic business after historic business shut down because greedy building owners rather cater to the majority of people who're here on a protracted visit, the kinds that don't give a shit about LA and vomit money.

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Hollywood Park Racetrack in Inglewood--where bukowski made a second home--was closed so a new condominium/shopping mall structure could be built.

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The city has even been trying to push out the bums in skid row so they can make a bunch of condos/apartments/shopping bullshit.

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East LA and the warehouse district are still untouched and beautiful, but moderately to extremely dangerous.

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Feel like you should save money, go to the library and read fante and/or bukowski. They'll give you a better los angeles than the gigantic mall that it's become.

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This question is just a marketing slogan for religion. It’s based on the idea that meaningfulness is gained through a morally just existence. But, really, it’s all for the sake of being subservient to a set of rules Also, if those rules are broken, you’ll materialize in a bad place after death.

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Being subservient to ‘god’ grants vip access to heaven. And being rebellious grants banishment to hell. Each destination is supposed to reflect the moral path you choose. A reward/punishment system.

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Allegedly, Hell is an underground cavern of pure pain and torment while Heaven resembles a country club washed in glitter, when both are the same bedroom decorated with different colored curtains.

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What I mean is that pain and torment are shitty things to endure, like, most people will do everything they can to avoid even the idea of them, but, as anyone afflicted by chronic pain knows, the initial trauma is what hurts intensely then the body adjusts, senses dull, and living feels like drowning in slow motion. Eventually, the original pain--and what came before it--is barely memorable.

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Heaven and hell are for eternity, so, it doesn’t matter how you’ve lived because eventually your reality will just be stagnation and that im/moral life a vague memory of a childhood dream.

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If you’re asking me ‘what’s the meaning of life’ on an instinctive level, I think the answer is ‘persistence.’ Not as individuals, but as a species.

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I think on a very primal level we’re wired to seek persistence, as if we gain some sort of validation through endurance, but living a soft existence causes a feeling of emotional/psychological/philosophical emptiness. Without triumph, which can only be gained through struggle, this deep seeded desire for persistence isn’t satiated, so, there’s a palpable despair and agony which can be felt but not touched.

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The way to (mostly) negate the internal drive towards persistence is through convenience and distraction. Constructing reality in such a way that doing anything affords minimal effort and knowledge while inundating a person’s consciousness with an unending stream of rapid-fire input causes the mind to be in a state of shallow reaction. Similar to how it’s almost impossible to think of anything remarkable while staring at a strobe light, or, comprehend the dynamics of radiation by pressing buttons on a microwave.

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This is the greatest affliction facing culture now. I think the existential question will be nullified within the next 100 years, probably sooner. Which, to me, seems really terrifying, but I’ll be ashes by then (thumbs up!).

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To answer the original question though, the meaning of life is: long plateaus of strife separated by anorexic valleys of orgasms.

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Damn, good question. I don’t think I’m mean, at all, however, since childhood, many people have declared me mean. Yes, I can be a supreme ruthless motherfucker if I genuinely hate someone, but, have only hated 2 people in 37 years.

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A large contribution to being perceived as mean is my ability to immediately understand motivation. It’s impossible to feel ‘positive’ towards anything I understand to be a ruse, scheme or needy ego jelq.

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Also, there’s a misconception that people without filters are solely white trash imbeciles and mouth breathers. My mind works in such a way that unless i’m intently focusing on censorship, I’ll reflexively react to whatever my subconsciousness keys in on. I rarely “think before I speak” which often is misconstrued as meanness.

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The thing is, I don’t actually like hurting people and rarely direct negative remarks at a person, but more towards the ideology they’ve embraced. I believe everyone can like what they want and it’s okay to make value judgments on those decisions without including the persons themselves.

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Weak minds governed by ego immediately sense a dissenting voice as a threat though. So, I think this is the foundation of being perceived as mean

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In the past, I’ve tried to censor myself as a way of mitigating hurt but became very depressed/physically ill while doing so, as if performing a poison ballet, and often coped through opiates.

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The resolution I’ve found that works best is through buffering and only engaging in brief encounters of limited interaction.

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Now, after what I just said, this is going to sound weird, but part of me genuinely enjoys fucking with people. In other words, I’m an emotional sadist. I almost always feel bad afterwards about humiliating/degrading others though because it obviously affects them negatively. And, like I said before, I don’t want to hurt anyone who doesn’t want to be hurt. The caveat being those I perceive as deserving.

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Quite the fucked up dichotomy, I know. So, yeah, I don’t think I’m mean but understand why people feel that I am.

Sorry for being an asshole, everyone.

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Also, fuck you.

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Well, I conduct myself to ensure ‘zero positive value’. What I mean by that is the ego is constantly foraging for validation to placate its perpetual insecurity. Which can be achieved in several ways, such as, empty compliment seeking, usefulness through subservience and hero worship.

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I rarely grant compliments because when I do, they’re genuine. Meaning, I’m not willing to prostitute myself for the sake of satisfying others. It’s just not something I can do. Honestly, it creates a feeling of disgust inside of me, almost as if I’m a 3-year-old who’s lied to their parents about snarfing a box of chipsahoy and just can’t shake that feeling of betrayal.

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My value system is comprised in a way that makes it difficult to ask anyone for anything. I’c rather limp 3 miles in the rain with a swollen ankle than ask for a 5 minute car ride. I’ve gotten slightly better with this, I hope.

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It's just that it would be almost impossible for a person to find usefulness through subservience in regards to me. I’d rather struggle with my own hands than watch someone doing it effortlessly on my behalf. You’ll never see me on facebook fishing for ‘help’ like some authors do.

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Hero worship is pandemic in culture and always has been. People seek others they perceive as strong or creative or wealthy or attractive or whatever because they themselves feel lesser than. Like, they gravitate towards someone of ‘added value’ out of safety because if they achieve that relationship then there’s comfort in the embrace of arms more skilled than their own which raises their own perceived value. Many are willing to completely disregard self-respect to gain a value added relationship. Which, to me, seems fucking absurd. I don’t want anyone having a relationship with the idea of me, only with my genuine self. And because of that, I intentionally expose the motivation behind actions knowing that anyone who isn’t confident in their choices will be pushed away. It’s a filtering process. I don’t actually enjoy pushing others away but having disingenuous relationships is detrimental to my psychological health. I get extremely depressed, exponentially more so than if someone outwardly rejects me So, I’m not viewed as someone of added value and there’s no reason to leave a comfort zone to interact with me. In other words, i’m not perceived as anything worthwhile, why bother.

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I’m not classically attractive. I’m hairy, fat, missing teeth, often don’t wear deodorant, only 5’8” and have washrag facial skin. Once again, there’s no reason for anyone to see me and think ‘damn, he’s cute, I need to add his value to my life.’

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I’m not wealthy, nor do I own property, vehicles or expensive clothes. I don’t create art or music. I stopped publication of my writing. Hold no degrees, formal education or position of power.

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See, there’s virtually no reason to misjudge who I am, which means the only people sharing a relationship with me are those who feel compelled to.

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