@HollywoodDaddy

Hollywood Daddy

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funny how there's a dynamo exploding in our chests every moment and most people can barely feel it. testament to culture's ability to shut down the sensitivity of the body with shitty beliefs.

Difficult to feel anything when a person is in a constant state of sensory overload.

do you read carver and cormac mccarthy? what are your thoughts on those two?

Last time I read carver was 6 or so years ago. I like his shit. There's a latent sadness and hostility to it. Dude seemed to really hate his ex-wife, or, maybe just ex-wives in general.
Dunno how much of his writing is him or lish, which I don't necessarily mind.
Read 'blood meridian' by mccarthy but haven't touched anything else. I do have 'the road' in the pile of 'shit to read.'
Most likely wouldn't have read bm on my own but it was recommended by blake butler. I respect his book iq and grumpily bought it.
Found it snore-ish until that first wave of violence hit with the apache war party. Fuck, man, it took me by surprise. I've never read anything that felt like watching a scene from a gruesome war movie.
Finished the book relatively quickly despite being high on opiates most of the time. i liked it. Think it was a very honest portrayal of the male mind at its core, not necessarily in what was written about, but how it made me feel. Like, the entire book is desolation.
And who knew a person could write about the same fucking desert scenery in that many different ways.
Think, from what i've read, both carver and mccarthy are very masculine in their approach. Dunno if women/effeminate hipsters would dig their groove as much.

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sam pink
Betzholio’s Profile Photo Cheyenne Betzhold

i just shot that one. i shot her like a dog. aint shot no woman since back in 92. just been keepin my head down. five o'll be comin. been good known you HD. peace.

Shooting anything but a home-invasion assailant or yourself seems weak as fuck.

just said to them Bitches leave! You know like on the robot cop film. they screwin me.

If you're talking about that soft turd of a 'reboot' with the effeminate, black robot cop... no, no I fucking don't.
Advise you to put some base in your voice and mean what you say. Otherwise, nobody will respect your word. Not bitches, not dudes, not even lizards or mom.

got mine ripping my shit up. what your bitches up to?

Daddy runs a strict game. Nobody rips my shit up, at least not more than once.

"I can't empathize with this sentiment." thinking about it more clearly it's like they're feeling uneasy because they have a need to feel safe perhaps. i think some people genuinely feel disturbed when they see someone in visible turmoil and that fear can overpower the compassion in the moment.

Maybe it's a latent fear, maybe they just don't know how to react around a person stricken by circumstance. Like, most people live really soft lives, so, witnessing a person that's drastically different than themselves causes a knee-jerk reaction. It's the way of the weak mind.
Like, most everyone's concept of violence, horror, struggle, etc. is based on internalization of stupid fucking television shows or movies, so, being confronted with genuine pain/turmoil/drug addiction/etc. isn't just foreign, but, completely unlike what was expected.
Like, people react so shitty towards homeless people or burn victims or mentally 'insane.' It's disgusting. Everyone is a human, just like everyone else. I'm not saying people should blindly treat others a certain way, but, fuck, would be nice if they analyzed the situation and attempted to understand another person's reality instead of shunning them or whatever.
Advise you to stop socializing if people are repeatedly asking if you're okay and it's bothersome.
A person should only be a burden onto themselves, I think.

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"What do you think when people say you need a hug? I think it is a peach from the average passive-aggressive's arsenal." same with people who tell me to smile, and sometimes people who come up and ask "are you ok?" in an energy that's like "there's something wrong with you and I'm uncomfortable"

I can't empathize with this sentiment. Unable to recall any time someone has approached me and asked if I was doing alright.
Think people asking could be motivated by compassion/care for someone in visible turmoil but interpreted as different. Depends on the mood/psyche of the unwell person.
I smile/laugh all the time. It's just not contrived. Typically, happens after I vocalize a sarcastic observation--because nearly all joking from me is for my behalf--or encountering something genuine, like a child, dog, sunset, singing bird, etc.

Also, I would guess you'd like Robert Crumb. Have you seen that documentary about him? I love him. He's so creepy and cool and funny and don't give a shit.

I watched it a long time ago when it first came out. I enjoy 'robert crumb' the person, feel indifferent about his art.

"Revise, revise, revise and enjoy your fear, y'all," you say. It seems what I do daily. I edit and I embrace my fear. I observe fear in other people. All is fear.

The only pure fear is death, everything else is a mutilated derivative. Not everybody holds that fear though.
I think 'embracing' fear is akin to rolling over and whimpering.
Try conquering.

what do you think about people who self-describe as humble? is it just the fear of admitting they're total failures?

Seems like anyone self-identifying as humble is, by definition, not humble, so, I would question their motivation for asserting as such. Seems like they would be doing so for manipulative reasons, like, to paint a dishonest picture of themselves.
Think being a 'total failure' is more prestigious than being a 'moderate failure' and doubt a person asserting as humble has achieved the former.
Next time you hear someone declare their humbleness ask them why they think they deserve such a ranking. Everything needed to know about the person will be displayed in their response.

What do you think of juggalos?

Every juggalo i've met has been unrefined and respectful.
Think privileged whites feel superior to juggalos and, consequently, think it's okay to mock, deride and just be fucking mean towards them. It makes me angry. Like, these trembling twats don't have the balls to say anything disparaging about a hispanic or black gang member but a bunch of poor white kids dressing up as clowns to replace the emptiness and terror of their family life is okay to shit on?
Nigga please with that cream cheese...
Think 'juggalos' are mostly comprised of poor, alienated, anti-social, usually 'uneducated' midwest whites wanting to feel good about something in life since their own family and reality is horror and pretending to be urban clowns grants an escape to an affirming identity where companionship with other outcasts relieves some/most/all of the loneliness-fueled self-hatred they feel.
The music of the 'lo i'm not a big fan of. But I don't hate it.
Would feel substantially more comfortable in a room full of dirty juggalos than being at a poetry reading or awp circle jerk.
And, man, that crew knows how to party. That 'gathering of the juggalos' seems roman as fuck.

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What do you think when people say you need a hug? I think it is a peach from the average passive-aggressive's arsenal. I had a hug yesterday, first in ages. Hugs are overrated. Akin to cheek-kissing. Crumbs and hugs.

Nobody says that to me out of fear (lol). Not joking or being arrogant. It's just that I enjoy shit talking, so, someone saying 'you need a hug' is like making eye contact with a gorilla standing close enough to rip your head off.
Value systems differ and I typically am 'playing around' when engaging in this type of behavior. Other people tend to take what I say to heart and get really emotional over it. But, like, don't say stupid shit about me needing a hug, ya dig?
I think saying 'you need a hug' to a person is definitely passive-aggressive behavior, typically indicating their purview is being questioned by another, typically because of a 'critical' or 'negative' opinion, though, it may be said in response to someone just being an asshole, but, like, people never take in to account *why* someone is an asshole, meaning, they don't try to understand and sympathize with what the person has lived/survived though to exist as an asshole in current reality.
Basically, 'you need a hug' means 'you're harshing my buzz, conform or leave, i'm what's important; not you.'
Advise you to deny p/a behavior to hold power over you. The best way is by confrontation because p/a people fear honest, direct confrontation. Fyi, you still won't be accepted though.
Don't think hugs are overrated. As someone who existed all through childhood without any affection, not even kind or encouraging words, feel that *genuine* hugs are paramount and encourage you/others to initiate them whenever possible.
Didn't allow anyone to touch me for most of adulthood.
Started going to a cigar lounge in orange county. The owner was a syrian man with a very gentle, loving soul. He hugs all of his regulars with a genuine, caring embrace.
He tried to hug me one day, after I established my status as a regular, and I reacted very poorly, like, I stiff armed him, turned, stepped back and became overcome with anxiety. He pulled me aside and asked why I reacted that way. Explained I wasn't used to 'touching' and it made me feel poory.
Owner declared his intent to break me of my repulsion towards physical affection and that some date in the future I'd be okay with hugs.
Every day I went in--which was 5 days a week--owner would try to chase me down for a hug. After a several months, he was able to get his arms around me, a few months later, he was able to hold me in place for a second, and, after about 2 years, I was able to receive a hug, though, it still made me feel really shitty, like I was undeserving.
Now I hug everyone I care about but am still bad about initiating it. Just don't want to impose on people.
I can honestly say that the feelings experienced during hugs have been unique and unachievable any other way. I believe in them, greatly. Do think people are frivolous or insincere with their embrace of other people.
One of the criteria I judge a person by is how they hug.
Have a 'hug regret' the first time I hung out with Sam Pink. It haunted me for a while.

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What would be the title of your autobiography?

Undecided, one of the following:
-AGONY
-CONFESSIONS OF A TRUE HOLLYWOOD DADDY
-I NEVER WANTED TO BE HERE
-THE NONEXISTENT ADVENTURES OF A HOWLING ANUS NAMED 'SPORT'
-SARCASTIC LAMENTATIONS FROM A CHILD PROSTITUTE
-FUCK THIS
-FEEL BAD ABOUT YOUR CHILDHOOD ABUSE/RAPE/MOLESTATION/NEGLECT/TRAUMA BUT COMPLETELY GRATEFUL IT TRANSFORMED YOU INTO A SEXUAL DEVIANT: A MEMOIR
-PERFECTION IN AN IMPERFECT MIND
-KNICKERS: A LOVE STORY
-WHY WON'T ANYONE SHOOT ME IN THE FACE ALREADY
-SENIOR CITIZENS IN MIRACLE BRAS: OR, HOW I STOPPED WATCHING TELEVISION AND LEARNED TO OBJECTIFY ALL WOMEN
-SADNESS LIKE A PARACHUTE CONSTRUCTED FROM THE WINGS OF UNBORN BUTTERFLIES AND ABANDONED FRIENDS
-LET'S DO SOME GAY SHIT AND NOT TELL OUR WIVES
-I'M A HORRIBLE PERSON AND AN EVEN BETTER LOVER
-VAMPIRE OF TEARS
-ALL I EVER WANTED WAS TO MAKE FRIENDS WITH SOMEONE NOT BORING BUT INSTEAD WENT INSANE
-DO YOU LIKE ME

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What burns your biscuits?

Shit, lil mamma, i got them rubber biscuit blues like that chips song.
You know what really flambes my pork loin though?
Twist ties. Fuck those things. They're like the weird pedophile uncle of the almost useless artifacts family of bullshit.
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what's you take on Solip?

I haven't read it yet. When it came out, ken was moving to new mexico and I was moving to the valley, then our mutual friend committed suicide and I never had the chance to pick up a copy of it.

What do you think of Dennis Cooper? Have you read much of his work? Do you ever go on his blog?

I think Dennis Cooper likes to promote internet authors as a way of promoting himself. I don't believe what he says to be very heartfelt or sincere and suspect he hasn't read everything he backs.
Which could be said about most anyone in the 'scene.'
I bought one of his novels at a used book store. It's in my giant pile of 'shit to read.'
I've never been to his blog. My vague understanding is that it's some sort of community, like, chuck palahniuk has.
Kenny speaks highly of him.

Baumann is a genius. I broke bread with him. He was like Villon.

Yeah, he's one of the few twenty somethings that instill hope in me.

"what isn't a memory? Death and revisions; maybe mediocre sex." hi.

What's up, anonymous entity. Whut's yer sign?

Apart from Bukowski whose work do you think Sam Pink's resembles the most?

Hmm. I don't think sam's writing is similar to bukowski's. Just think the two share similar traits. Perceive sam's writing to be closer to honesty than hank's. Think both are great novelists but their true beauty is found in the poetry.
Can't think of one person who writes anything like sam.
Recommend reading scott mcclanahan. It's different but has some of the same energy.

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