When do you feel the most comfortable?
When completely immersed in struggle.
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(PART III) What should I try after trying all the normal ideas to cope with my depression? Sometimes I feel like a giant pile of mucus clogging my own existence. I think about attempting to get disability then feel pathetic for those thoughts because I feel I'm undeserving.
I've outlined what's worked for me. You're on your own path. There are no shortcuts. Fight or float. It's completely up to you.
Think you should fully comprehend that long-lasting and/or cyclical depression doesn't just stop. It's a triumph to achieve and there will be long periods where no progress and relapse happens. For me, it was a series of very small progressions, then, without warning, a large progression, a relapse, then a fight to get back to where i was and continue on, then periods of stagnation, small progressions, then a large progression, etc.
I don't know about you, but anger is my best motivation. Being underestimated by others really chars my dickhole. People treat a depressed person as if they're a dehydrated turd and think of them without any sort of skills or value. I'm grateful though because this uncaring treatment is what fueled me when I was weak and felt like giving up, like, I could be the perpetual victim or show these cunts they're wrong.
That may not be effective for you at all. But thought i'd throw it in there just in case.
Depression/unworthiness are isolating in nature. Because of it a person is incapable of having a healthy/lasting relationship with anyone until they can do so with themselves.
To reiterate, a direct approach is needed. Escapism and victimization are bear traps attached to boulders. Learn to be unafraid of your own mind and push forward as much as possible.
Unsure what would cause you to be eligible for disability but don't think worrying about being deserving/undeserving is applicable. Speaking from experience, the government will do everything in its power to ensure you're not able to achieve a disability status, even if you're a quadrilateral amputee that served 4 tours in iraq. So, go ahead and apply.
Sorry this is such a long response but seemed like you asked an earnest question and not answering it as lucidly/detailed as possible felt like a shithearted thing to do.
Good luck and enjoy the blood along the way.
Think you should fully comprehend that long-lasting and/or cyclical depression doesn't just stop. It's a triumph to achieve and there will be long periods where no progress and relapse happens. For me, it was a series of very small progressions, then, without warning, a large progression, a relapse, then a fight to get back to where i was and continue on, then periods of stagnation, small progressions, then a large progression, etc.
I don't know about you, but anger is my best motivation. Being underestimated by others really chars my dickhole. People treat a depressed person as if they're a dehydrated turd and think of them without any sort of skills or value. I'm grateful though because this uncaring treatment is what fueled me when I was weak and felt like giving up, like, I could be the perpetual victim or show these cunts they're wrong.
That may not be effective for you at all. But thought i'd throw it in there just in case.
Depression/unworthiness are isolating in nature. Because of it a person is incapable of having a healthy/lasting relationship with anyone until they can do so with themselves.
To reiterate, a direct approach is needed. Escapism and victimization are bear traps attached to boulders. Learn to be unafraid of your own mind and push forward as much as possible.
Unsure what would cause you to be eligible for disability but don't think worrying about being deserving/undeserving is applicable. Speaking from experience, the government will do everything in its power to ensure you're not able to achieve a disability status, even if you're a quadrilateral amputee that served 4 tours in iraq. So, go ahead and apply.
Sorry this is such a long response but seemed like you asked an earnest question and not answering it as lucidly/detailed as possible felt like a shithearted thing to do.
Good luck and enjoy the blood along the way.
(PART II) What should I try after trying all the normal ideas to cope with my depression? Sometimes I feel like a giant pile of mucus clogging my own existence. I think about attempting to get disability then feel pathetic for those thoughts because I feel I'm undeserving.
Unworthiness is a more difficult symptom to treat. I mean, excluding fucking sociopaths, everybody feels like a piece of shit on some level. And modern culture is just a big neon sign saying 'you suck' in 384 different languages. Society is even worse. People feel inadequate and demean others as an attempt to regain value.
For some people, like me, growing up was a trial by fire and adults only reinforced the idea that you're not a worthwhile human being. And they do so in various creative ways. Because of this, a person doesn't have any other coping mechanism. It's just depression and self-hatred.
The smallest of comments or failures can completely derail someone who genuinely believes themselves to be unworthy. It's a lot like addict behavior. You might be feeling okay about yourself for a day or two, then internalize something in such an extreme way that the next 6months is spent in a constant state of 'fuck, i suck so much.'
Love is what helped me out of this cyclical imprisonment. My definition of love is simply 'unconditional acceptance'. And the syntax of love dictates it can only be directed inwards. Seems like a sophomoric concept, I know, but it took a lot of analysis, reading and contemplation for this conclusion.
Reading Nietzsche helped a lot. People always think of him as an uncaring asshole but I think of him as a motivational speaker, almost. Dude cared about humans and what they could achieve but felt very dissatisfied with what they had become.
Reading OSHO helped too.
But, most importantly, my desire to not be trapped within my mind is what deserves the most credit. I identified, first, that a.) was a victim to depression and self-hatred b.) didn't want to continue like this c.) accept and believe to deserve a different perspective--the latter was something I struggled to achieve and in the beginning was 'faking' it. No progress would've been made without this foundation.
My philosophy was/is that i'm my own enemy and there is no exit strategy. It's, like, the best way to think in terms of your mind can be seen in the beginning of apocalypse now when martin sheen is losing his shit in the hotel room and says, 'charlie's out in the bush getting stronger and i'm here getting weaker.'
War is war and if you want victory, it's a long, terrible fight before the finish line.
I used to blindly encourage people by stating that I believed in their ability to overcome certain modes of fucked thought. I don't anymore. Someone reacted very negatively about it one time and made a strong argument re: who the fuck am I to say that anything is achievable beyond those negative modes of thought. Which they're right.
I no longer believe in the ability of all people. Only certain ones. Those with tenacity, drive and heart to be something they've never been or were expected to be. If you haven't reached this level of understanding, it doesn't matter what 'method' is adopted. You will fail.
For some people, like me, growing up was a trial by fire and adults only reinforced the idea that you're not a worthwhile human being. And they do so in various creative ways. Because of this, a person doesn't have any other coping mechanism. It's just depression and self-hatred.
The smallest of comments or failures can completely derail someone who genuinely believes themselves to be unworthy. It's a lot like addict behavior. You might be feeling okay about yourself for a day or two, then internalize something in such an extreme way that the next 6months is spent in a constant state of 'fuck, i suck so much.'
Love is what helped me out of this cyclical imprisonment. My definition of love is simply 'unconditional acceptance'. And the syntax of love dictates it can only be directed inwards. Seems like a sophomoric concept, I know, but it took a lot of analysis, reading and contemplation for this conclusion.
Reading Nietzsche helped a lot. People always think of him as an uncaring asshole but I think of him as a motivational speaker, almost. Dude cared about humans and what they could achieve but felt very dissatisfied with what they had become.
Reading OSHO helped too.
But, most importantly, my desire to not be trapped within my mind is what deserves the most credit. I identified, first, that a.) was a victim to depression and self-hatred b.) didn't want to continue like this c.) accept and believe to deserve a different perspective--the latter was something I struggled to achieve and in the beginning was 'faking' it. No progress would've been made without this foundation.
My philosophy was/is that i'm my own enemy and there is no exit strategy. It's, like, the best way to think in terms of your mind can be seen in the beginning of apocalypse now when martin sheen is losing his shit in the hotel room and says, 'charlie's out in the bush getting stronger and i'm here getting weaker.'
War is war and if you want victory, it's a long, terrible fight before the finish line.
I used to blindly encourage people by stating that I believed in their ability to overcome certain modes of fucked thought. I don't anymore. Someone reacted very negatively about it one time and made a strong argument re: who the fuck am I to say that anything is achievable beyond those negative modes of thought. Which they're right.
I no longer believe in the ability of all people. Only certain ones. Those with tenacity, drive and heart to be something they've never been or were expected to be. If you haven't reached this level of understanding, it doesn't matter what 'method' is adopted. You will fail.
What should I try after trying all the normal ideas to cope with my depression? Sometimes I feel like a giant pile of mucus clogging my own existence. I think about attempting to get disability then feel pathetic for those thoughts because I feel I'm undeserving.
Well, I think it has a lot to do with your perspective of 'you'. Like, for your analogy to be correct, you're not just mucus, but the drain, the snot, the random hairs, what birthed the clog, the fluid normally trapped and moved, the pipes, whatever destination is at the end of the drain and the creator of it all.
I personally believe depression comes from a strong awareness of unworthiness and hopelessness. Anything chemical is just a reaction, unless you have a severe mood disorder, I guess. I don't know if I believe if any depression is purely dependent on 'chemicals' though. I think, if, say, you're bipolar, then your ceiling and floor is much higher/deeper than a 'normal' person and when an externalization is internalized in whatever direction, it has more room to grow.
Hopelessness is usually focused on external factors, like, being fired from a job, or, going long periods without a relationship partner, or, just a general idea of having no future. This is the easier of the two to resolve, I think.
Most hopelessness is a manifestation of the fear of death. Because, without it, being homeless, starving, having no money, whatever, really doesn't hold much power. It's just something to endure, like, anything else.
I used to have unrelenting existential terror. What helped me, considerably, was a visualization practice I read about in the hagakure, which is roughly the philosophy of the samurai in post-unification japan. The gist of it is that a samurai was supposed to take time each day and meditate on every way to die, that way, when death came, he would not hesitate, and be able to complete his duty. The intended ideology illustrates that if two people of equal skill fight to the death, the person with a full commitment to dying will win, because hesitation is a great disadvantage in such a situation.
My only enemy is me, so, I adopted the practice for a slightly different purpose
Meditating on dying felt really scary, because it was. It took a long while, like, years of doing it before my perspective completely changed. I had to fight through a lot of panic attacks. But it worked.
What fucks with people in terms of hopelessness isn't the contributing factor (i.e. home eviction) but the summation of what's to come (homelessness/loss of resources and social status) and our modern psychology is composed in a way to value 'escapism' rather than gritting the teeth, telling mom you love her and running headstrong into battle.
The samurai technique can be focused directly at specific types of hopelessness too. Take time each day and visualize different outcomes a certain type of hopelessness can lead to. And in doing so, you negate the power the fear holds over you.
(dividing the answer into parts)
I personally believe depression comes from a strong awareness of unworthiness and hopelessness. Anything chemical is just a reaction, unless you have a severe mood disorder, I guess. I don't know if I believe if any depression is purely dependent on 'chemicals' though. I think, if, say, you're bipolar, then your ceiling and floor is much higher/deeper than a 'normal' person and when an externalization is internalized in whatever direction, it has more room to grow.
Hopelessness is usually focused on external factors, like, being fired from a job, or, going long periods without a relationship partner, or, just a general idea of having no future. This is the easier of the two to resolve, I think.
Most hopelessness is a manifestation of the fear of death. Because, without it, being homeless, starving, having no money, whatever, really doesn't hold much power. It's just something to endure, like, anything else.
I used to have unrelenting existential terror. What helped me, considerably, was a visualization practice I read about in the hagakure, which is roughly the philosophy of the samurai in post-unification japan. The gist of it is that a samurai was supposed to take time each day and meditate on every way to die, that way, when death came, he would not hesitate, and be able to complete his duty. The intended ideology illustrates that if two people of equal skill fight to the death, the person with a full commitment to dying will win, because hesitation is a great disadvantage in such a situation.
My only enemy is me, so, I adopted the practice for a slightly different purpose
Meditating on dying felt really scary, because it was. It took a long while, like, years of doing it before my perspective completely changed. I had to fight through a lot of panic attacks. But it worked.
What fucks with people in terms of hopelessness isn't the contributing factor (i.e. home eviction) but the summation of what's to come (homelessness/loss of resources and social status) and our modern psychology is composed in a way to value 'escapism' rather than gritting the teeth, telling mom you love her and running headstrong into battle.
The samurai technique can be focused directly at specific types of hopelessness too. Take time each day and visualize different outcomes a certain type of hopelessness can lead to. And in doing so, you negate the power the fear holds over you.
(dividing the answer into parts)
Have you been in love? What does love mean to you? How do you commit to someone?
I think most people know the concept of love but have absolutely no definition of what it is. Which stems from children being inundated with the word but never shown or taught anything of what it might be.
I used to believe I was incapable of 'love' but I wasn't sure. Felt like I was just thinking that out of doomed self-victimization . Which is why I spent years trying to define what love is.
My definition is only applicable to myself, meaning, love is an unidirectional internalization--I love myself and am loving towards others.
This may seem like a simple concept to some but those people probably have never felt genuine, long-lasting depression and intense self-hatred. For someone like me, it took a great effort to reprogram myself in this way.
Once you're able to love yourself, being loving towards others is easy.
As far as commitment goes... unsure how to answer this question. I don't think commitment is as big of an act as others make it to be. I'm a misogamist. Marriage is bullshit.
Making a conscious decision to 'commit' to someone/something isn't difficult if you have self-respect. Like, the only reason why a commitment would be dangerous or terrifying or whatever is if you don't fully believe in the act, and if you don't, then why the fuck are you engaging in it...
A person lacking self-respect will compromise themselves to dishonestly gain something they don't deserve.
I'm a proponent of trying my best to not impose on others. Like, we'll probably never talk to each other if you don't initiate it. The only caveat to that is I make a lot commentary about life, aloud to myself, and it's sometimes interpreted as alienating. So, there's a chance we'll talk but not in a positive way.
Luckily, commitment is pretty easy for me. I have self-respect. I don't have many 'friends'. Most people avoid me in public and I've never once had a woman/gay guy randomly ask for a phone number or whatever people do when they want to romantically befriend someone.
Looking menacing and keeping to yourself sort of ensures a lack of opportunity for commitment too.
But the few who know me are aware that I rather put others before myself and, at any given time, I'm like a $25 prostitute and down for whatevers.
I used to believe I was incapable of 'love' but I wasn't sure. Felt like I was just thinking that out of doomed self-victimization . Which is why I spent years trying to define what love is.
My definition is only applicable to myself, meaning, love is an unidirectional internalization--I love myself and am loving towards others.
This may seem like a simple concept to some but those people probably have never felt genuine, long-lasting depression and intense self-hatred. For someone like me, it took a great effort to reprogram myself in this way.
Once you're able to love yourself, being loving towards others is easy.
As far as commitment goes... unsure how to answer this question. I don't think commitment is as big of an act as others make it to be. I'm a misogamist. Marriage is bullshit.
Making a conscious decision to 'commit' to someone/something isn't difficult if you have self-respect. Like, the only reason why a commitment would be dangerous or terrifying or whatever is if you don't fully believe in the act, and if you don't, then why the fuck are you engaging in it...
A person lacking self-respect will compromise themselves to dishonestly gain something they don't deserve.
I'm a proponent of trying my best to not impose on others. Like, we'll probably never talk to each other if you don't initiate it. The only caveat to that is I make a lot commentary about life, aloud to myself, and it's sometimes interpreted as alienating. So, there's a chance we'll talk but not in a positive way.
Luckily, commitment is pretty easy for me. I have self-respect. I don't have many 'friends'. Most people avoid me in public and I've never once had a woman/gay guy randomly ask for a phone number or whatever people do when they want to romantically befriend someone.
Looking menacing and keeping to yourself sort of ensures a lack of opportunity for commitment too.
But the few who know me are aware that I rather put others before myself and, at any given time, I'm like a $25 prostitute and down for whatevers.
thoughts on memorial services
It's just a shindig for people to mitigate their fear of death that's been brought to the forefront and can't be ignored/forgotten.
It's like a support group, meaning everyone is there for a self-serving reason and seek stability in knowing there are others just like themselves. Plus, it's a reason to get fucked up/eat, maybe get laid.
A memorial service actually celebrating the dead person is rare. Instead, most everything is centered on the physical manifestation of the person--the corpse--and how its loss affects the living.
There's always drama, it seems. Family members who treated the dead person like shit suddenly care, or, various feuding family/friends show up and passive-aggressively continue to fight, or, assholes from work that the dead person wouldn't even lunch with show and express crocodile sorrow.
It's all bullshit. A real memorial service should be alone or with a small group of pals sharing stories and drugs/booze/food in an enjoyable way as if death is the triumph that it is.
It's like a support group, meaning everyone is there for a self-serving reason and seek stability in knowing there are others just like themselves. Plus, it's a reason to get fucked up/eat, maybe get laid.
A memorial service actually celebrating the dead person is rare. Instead, most everything is centered on the physical manifestation of the person--the corpse--and how its loss affects the living.
There's always drama, it seems. Family members who treated the dead person like shit suddenly care, or, various feuding family/friends show up and passive-aggressively continue to fight, or, assholes from work that the dead person wouldn't even lunch with show and express crocodile sorrow.
It's all bullshit. A real memorial service should be alone or with a small group of pals sharing stories and drugs/booze/food in an enjoyable way as if death is the triumph that it is.
Who is a writer that you hate a whole bunch and why
I think people misunderstand how I interact with the world, like, they don't comprehend the motivation behind my negativity at all. Feel like a lot of people think of me as just some asshole who 'hates' others for being different or popular or whatever.
I can't think of one writer I hate. Maybe greg sherl. I don't know. I'm not someone who easily hates another human being. Like, you have to do a lot of fucked up shit for a long time for me to fully hate you, but, when I do, I do so with all my heart. Only person I can think of that I truly 'hate' is my ex-wife. I have reason though. It's not because of the usual egotistical bullshit of being excluded.
I pretty much loathe writers as a whole though. They're a bunch of privileged egoists that lack any soul, balls, heart or compassion. And, fuck, man, are they cheap and needy. A segway driving meter maid has more self respect.
And, boy, do they whine about the smallest shit. Like, you'd think someone who's life has afforded them to get a ba, mfa or phd would grant an appreciative/humble perspective.
If 'writers' spent all the energy complaining about rejection and used it to help other less fortunate creatures in their community, the world would be a slightly better place.
Feel like the biggest joke within the writer community is the idea of the 'rebel' or 'bad ass' writer. You know, the ones who project a cartoonishly lame machismo persona, glamorize bar fighting, drinking like an achievement (?), wear wife beaters or cowboy boots, and constantly feign toughness while stinking of their mother's perfume.
And the writer chicks who fall for their shtick are almost as pathetic. Like, they're so removed from reality, not in a dreamer sort of way, but as in a i've never done anything substantial or consequential in my life way, that their existence seems frighteningly improbable.
The shit that really cracks me up is how they all believe what they're doing is important or god-like, as if their words will gain power and immortality or something.
Such a silly group of silly fucks.
I can't think of one writer I hate. Maybe greg sherl. I don't know. I'm not someone who easily hates another human being. Like, you have to do a lot of fucked up shit for a long time for me to fully hate you, but, when I do, I do so with all my heart. Only person I can think of that I truly 'hate' is my ex-wife. I have reason though. It's not because of the usual egotistical bullshit of being excluded.
I pretty much loathe writers as a whole though. They're a bunch of privileged egoists that lack any soul, balls, heart or compassion. And, fuck, man, are they cheap and needy. A segway driving meter maid has more self respect.
And, boy, do they whine about the smallest shit. Like, you'd think someone who's life has afforded them to get a ba, mfa or phd would grant an appreciative/humble perspective.
If 'writers' spent all the energy complaining about rejection and used it to help other less fortunate creatures in their community, the world would be a slightly better place.
Feel like the biggest joke within the writer community is the idea of the 'rebel' or 'bad ass' writer. You know, the ones who project a cartoonishly lame machismo persona, glamorize bar fighting, drinking like an achievement (?), wear wife beaters or cowboy boots, and constantly feign toughness while stinking of their mother's perfume.
And the writer chicks who fall for their shtick are almost as pathetic. Like, they're so removed from reality, not in a dreamer sort of way, but as in a i've never done anything substantial or consequential in my life way, that their existence seems frighteningly improbable.
The shit that really cracks me up is how they all believe what they're doing is important or god-like, as if their words will gain power and immortality or something.
Such a silly group of silly fucks.
there
.
Is their a single drug-induced experience that stands apart from the others?
I'm interpreting this as you asking if a specific instance of drug use resulted in profound revelation or epiphany compared to others. No, not really. Guess, the first time for any drug would be the apropos answer though.
Drugs are very much like orgasms. Sometimes you get a better squirt and shake but if you're having a ton of sex/masturbation then much doesn't stand out between them all.
Feel like the external experiences drugs have lead me to have been more unique than the internalization of the drug.
I mean, you haven't breathed genuine air until you've danced at a hollywood club until 7am, then followed the trannies you've just befriended to an after hours where everyone is dangerously high on ghb, ecstasy, ketamine, cocaine, speed, alcohol and/or who knows what else, where people are od'ing and/or taking hard sleeps, the dj is more fucked up than anyone in the place, and you dance and dance and stare at a mirror and dance until your knees and lungs hurt, then all concept of time/reality dissipates and the only thing left is your barely coherent mind being kept afloat by the bass that's penetrating into your spine, and, for some reason, decide to take a taxi home to change into pajamas then come back to the club, and in doing so, your friend, who's not able to form words, is haling a cab by standing in the middle of the street, pants around his ankles and drooling while pointing at oncoming traffic.
Ya feel me.
Drugs are very much like orgasms. Sometimes you get a better squirt and shake but if you're having a ton of sex/masturbation then much doesn't stand out between them all.
Feel like the external experiences drugs have lead me to have been more unique than the internalization of the drug.
I mean, you haven't breathed genuine air until you've danced at a hollywood club until 7am, then followed the trannies you've just befriended to an after hours where everyone is dangerously high on ghb, ecstasy, ketamine, cocaine, speed, alcohol and/or who knows what else, where people are od'ing and/or taking hard sleeps, the dj is more fucked up than anyone in the place, and you dance and dance and stare at a mirror and dance until your knees and lungs hurt, then all concept of time/reality dissipates and the only thing left is your barely coherent mind being kept afloat by the bass that's penetrating into your spine, and, for some reason, decide to take a taxi home to change into pajamas then come back to the club, and in doing so, your friend, who's not able to form words, is haling a cab by standing in the middle of the street, pants around his ankles and drooling while pointing at oncoming traffic.
Ya feel me.
i'd like to use your ask fm to say thanks to Sam Pink who I didn't thank for recommending Ask The Dust, which I read a while ago and might have to revisit very soon. Thanks Mr Pink. If you, Mr H, can pass on the message, then I will be grateful. (Also Mr H, I will stop being a dick with you now.)
I haven't talked to Sam in a while. He'll read this though, at some point.
Always surprised when someone hasn't read 'ask the dust' or even know of it. That novel is more beautiful than a butterfly caught in a snow storm.
Always surprised when someone hasn't read 'ask the dust' or even know of it. That novel is more beautiful than a butterfly caught in a snow storm.
How do you usually express your emotions?
With emotions.
What are your thoughts on blake butler and his writing?
Named a cat after him. He died a couple months ago. Cried a lot over it.
Blake used to be the internet mom. Not so much now. I miss when he was a little more cavalier with the 'persona' and did blabber posts on his blog.
He's extremely adept at being guarded while seemingly not. I think that's his charm. Sometimes he fucks up and lets his emotions out. I feel a kinship with his anger, at least the few times i've witnessed it.
Blake is one of three authors I think is worth listening to read. Only when he's drunk though. Sober, the performance isn't as captivating.
His knowledge of esoteric literature is god-like. Dude reads like a judo medalist swings hips. He's turned me on to a few books that I would've never read without the recommendation; ones that stay with me and probably always will.
I respect his writing. He really knows how to pack in the excrement. It's pure mood though and my mind gets distracted easily with that sort of stuff. I can only dig on it for so long. Not just with writing but film too.
Will always read him. Think people can learn quite a bit from his work. And if someone has an affinity for horror house surrealism, then fiercely recommend reading blake's shit. He's on an upper-echelon level, I think.
Have always desired to just hang out with Blake, face-to-face, no groups, and talk shit. Have a strong hunch it would be a lot of fun, like, a reunion with a pal you haven't seen for 20 years.
Blake used to be the internet mom. Not so much now. I miss when he was a little more cavalier with the 'persona' and did blabber posts on his blog.
He's extremely adept at being guarded while seemingly not. I think that's his charm. Sometimes he fucks up and lets his emotions out. I feel a kinship with his anger, at least the few times i've witnessed it.
Blake is one of three authors I think is worth listening to read. Only when he's drunk though. Sober, the performance isn't as captivating.
His knowledge of esoteric literature is god-like. Dude reads like a judo medalist swings hips. He's turned me on to a few books that I would've never read without the recommendation; ones that stay with me and probably always will.
I respect his writing. He really knows how to pack in the excrement. It's pure mood though and my mind gets distracted easily with that sort of stuff. I can only dig on it for so long. Not just with writing but film too.
Will always read him. Think people can learn quite a bit from his work. And if someone has an affinity for horror house surrealism, then fiercely recommend reading blake's shit. He's on an upper-echelon level, I think.
Have always desired to just hang out with Blake, face-to-face, no groups, and talk shit. Have a strong hunch it would be a lot of fun, like, a reunion with a pal you haven't seen for 20 years.
What are your thoughts on tao lin and his writing?
To expound on what I said below, I don't hate or dislike tao, just strongly dislike what he's created (not talking about his writing). I think of him as a strong mind. All the people worshipping/hating him are really annoying though. Wish everyone would shut the fuck up about the dude already. But they're not going to. He's too influential.
what do you like about mickey spillane?
Balls and prose.
so, a bummer ah?
'distance' try to learn what it is.
what do you think of tao lin? what do you think of his work? have you looked into it much?
I don't really pay much attention to tao any more. I did read an interview a while back that I liked. Otherwise, eh.
I haven't read anything lately from him. I respect his writing. He's on another level, I think. His subject matter and style doesn't speak to me, at all. Except for his early shit, back when he wrote short stories and poems. I liked a lot of it. Unsure if I would now or not. Guessing, yes.
I haven't read anything lately from him. I respect his writing. He's on another level, I think. His subject matter and style doesn't speak to me, at all. Except for his early shit, back when he wrote short stories and poems. I liked a lot of it. Unsure if I would now or not. Guessing, yes.
* joke, all a joke.
Nah, this is a joke: http://youtu.be/OPW8NJzMOqw
Can we get one thing straight? I AM NOT PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE! Call it me again and I'm gonna buy a ticket to LAX and hunt you down. When I find you I'll approach gun-in-hand then drop to my knees. I'll pull down your pants and put your cock in my hellmouth. Then my jagged teeth will castrate you. Si?*
Well, it wouldn't be getting it 'straight' then, because, yes, you are very much passive-aggressive and often boo-hooing in your own victimization.
C'mon down to LA if you feel the need. I've had much more serious dudes than you point a gun towards me. Afterwards, we can laugh at how much of a bitch you are and get a falafel sandwich or something.
C'mon down to LA if you feel the need. I've had much more serious dudes than you point a gun towards me. Afterwards, we can laugh at how much of a bitch you are and get a falafel sandwich or something.
How can you be motivated?
Starve myself from food and/or sex. What other motivation is there.
Q1 do you like chess? Q2 do you like cheese? Q3 do you like cheesed dick? Q4 do you like charles dickens? Q5 are you are charlatan? Q6 do you know any latin? Q7 do you like tao lin? Q7.5 why do i perceive you as being a hairy wet-fart?
Wowow, sure am glad y'all labeled/numbered each question, otherwise, I might have gotten lost.
Have people become so shackled by mediocrity they need retard arrows painted on each step of an escalator or is this stupid shit only your style. (rhetorical question: we both know you're not that creative)
Yeah, chess is cool. It's one of, like, 2 board games that's completely logic based. It also allows even the most socially awkward/outrageous/offensive to interact with another human being, albeit in a buffered way.
Yeah, who the fuck doesn't like cheese. I abstain from dairy these days.
Never had it. What's good for a newbie to try.
Don't know him.
Last time I checked this isn't france, 1374.
Everybody knows a little latin.
Only if he likes me.
Why the fuck are you asking someone why/how you perceive. Do you not understand how perception 'works'. At least be pragmatic with your passive-aggressive hissing, ya dumb dummy.
Have people become so shackled by mediocrity they need retard arrows painted on each step of an escalator or is this stupid shit only your style. (rhetorical question: we both know you're not that creative)
Yeah, chess is cool. It's one of, like, 2 board games that's completely logic based. It also allows even the most socially awkward/outrageous/offensive to interact with another human being, albeit in a buffered way.
Yeah, who the fuck doesn't like cheese. I abstain from dairy these days.
Never had it. What's good for a newbie to try.
Don't know him.
Last time I checked this isn't france, 1374.
Everybody knows a little latin.
Only if he likes me.
Why the fuck are you asking someone why/how you perceive. Do you not understand how perception 'works'. At least be pragmatic with your passive-aggressive hissing, ya dumb dummy.
I've always thought that the material that you and Sam Pink post to your blogs would be perfect for stand-up comedy, like if Eddie Pepitone did one liners. I know you might not be into the idea of getting on a stage in front of a crowd. Do you have any favorite comedians? Can I use your material?
I think sam's approach is a lot more gentle than mine. Like, he could tell a room full of people they're pathetic pieces of shit and should die and be graciously thanked and applauded, while I could tell someone I earnestly love them and be spat on for it.
Sam is a lot more adept at story telling/delivery, I think.
I've watched a lot of stand-up, especially in my younger years and a teenage me thought about being a comedian. Honestly believe the only time I felt free from depression, anxiety and alienation as a kid was when I was laughing, so, I value (good) comedians more than pretty much everything.
Would play cassette tapes of comedy albums repeatedly until falling asleep when I had existential terror induced insomnia.
Actually cried when sam kinison died. Not because some celebrity I admired had stopped existing, I felt like the only person in my life that showed any sort of love towards me had left, which meant I was truly alone in a very shitty world that was a struggle to live in.
Stand-up comedians I enjoy: Sam Kinison, Don Rickles, Rodney Dangerfield, George Carlin, Eddie Murphy (only during his cocaine years), Louis CK, Doug Stanhope, Richard Pryor, Roseanne Barr, Aubrey Plaza, Joey Diaz, Pat Cooper. There are others, just difficult for me to recall. I haven't thought about stand-up in a long time.
Also think the first 3 seasons of Kids in the Hall is on another level. Same with certain periods of SNL.
You can do whatever you like. Think the reason why sam/my perspective is 'funny' is because we're both perceiving the world as a fucked up bullshit place and making jokes is how we mitigate the very loud voice telling us to give up. I mean, at least that's how it is for me.
But, like, without the underlying anger/frustration with reality, the jokes really aren't the same.
Sam is a lot more adept at story telling/delivery, I think.
I've watched a lot of stand-up, especially in my younger years and a teenage me thought about being a comedian. Honestly believe the only time I felt free from depression, anxiety and alienation as a kid was when I was laughing, so, I value (good) comedians more than pretty much everything.
Would play cassette tapes of comedy albums repeatedly until falling asleep when I had existential terror induced insomnia.
Actually cried when sam kinison died. Not because some celebrity I admired had stopped existing, I felt like the only person in my life that showed any sort of love towards me had left, which meant I was truly alone in a very shitty world that was a struggle to live in.
Stand-up comedians I enjoy: Sam Kinison, Don Rickles, Rodney Dangerfield, George Carlin, Eddie Murphy (only during his cocaine years), Louis CK, Doug Stanhope, Richard Pryor, Roseanne Barr, Aubrey Plaza, Joey Diaz, Pat Cooper. There are others, just difficult for me to recall. I haven't thought about stand-up in a long time.
Also think the first 3 seasons of Kids in the Hall is on another level. Same with certain periods of SNL.
You can do whatever you like. Think the reason why sam/my perspective is 'funny' is because we're both perceiving the world as a fucked up bullshit place and making jokes is how we mitigate the very loud voice telling us to give up. I mean, at least that's how it is for me.
But, like, without the underlying anger/frustration with reality, the jokes really aren't the same.
What is the Universe made of?
Universe.
i'm not the previous question asker, but the geto boys album was a surprise. i'd never heard of them. what other things would you recommend off hand?
What easily came to me: Recommend: 'as nasty as they wanna be' by 2 live crew, 'bangin on wax' bloods and crips, '187 he wrote' by spice 1, 'quik is the name' by dj quik, 'radio' by ll cool j, 'swass' by sir-mix-a-lot, 'don't fight the feelin' by rappin' 4-tay, 'chase' (full version) by giorgio moroder, 'methodrone' by the brian jonestown massacre, 'dandys rule ok!' by the dandy warhols, 'kittenz and thee glitz' by felix da housecat, 'photosynthesis' by dj irene, 'the land of rape and honey' by ministry, 'vulgar display of power' by pantera, 'the wall' by pink floyd, 'for lovers only' by jackie gleason, 'the bosses' by count basie and joe turner, 'live alive' stevie ray vaughan and double trouble, 'cinema verite' by dramarama, anything written by mickey spillane, 'motorman' by david ohle, 'ask the dust' by john fante, 'the last of the really great whangdoodles' by julie andrews edwards, 'love' by osho, 'frowns need friends too' by sam pink, 'the rum diary' by hunter s. thompson, mickey ward vs arturo gatti I, II, III, don frye vs yoshihiro takayama, takanori gomi vs luis azeredo I, II, nam phan vs leonard garcia I, II, big foot silva vs mark hunt, 'blue spring' by toshiaki toyoda, 'le samurai' by jean-pierre melville, 'hitch hike' by pasquale festa campanile, 'the wayward cloud' by tsia ming-liang, 'la vallee' by barbet schroeder, 'road house' by rowdy herrington, season 1 (only) 'the wizard', season 1 'the fall guy', seasons 1-3 'miami vice', 4am hidori in ktown, 'anne' at nuch thai massage, ketchup on tacos, unbridled facefucking, lsd on christmas, judgment-free conversation with homeless people, juicing watermelon rinds, watching sunsets from high vantage points and walking long distances without a destination in mind.
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