Wolf

On November 9th, which I've determined to be what would have been my daughter's birthday, I was at work. And as I was sweeping the parking lot I had the song Grief from The Devil's Carnival enter my head. The song is basically a man loses his child and his grief his driving him deep into depression and maybe even suicide. I got close to the first chorus, but I stopped myself and said no. No more. I know where my daughter sleeps. In the Kingdom of Heaven. With the Father. My Lord. My family. I will always miss her. Wish I'd gotten to raise her. But I refuse to let her birthday be a day of sadness anymore. It is a day of remembrance. And a day to remind her how much I love her.
But then when I told a friend I was done grieving, she asked if it was because I knew she was hanging around. Then something hit me. Much like that train in Borderlands 2. I had to leave my work station. I stood in front of a mirror crying. Because I finally realize what my little girl has been trying to tell me. She's happy. She's safe. She's not suffering. All this time I wondered what I did to make her be taken from me. I did nothing. She wasn't taken. She was saved. From the monsters her mom and I would become to each other. That would have been hell on her. And she never really left me. Not any day in the last four years. She's always been with me. For years I've wandered the darkness looking for her. Trying desperately to find her. But I didn't find her. She found me. And she's telling me it's time to return to the light. That it's ok. That she knows how much I love her. And that she loves me. That with her guidance, and the love and support of my friends and family, I can make it out of this darkness. And while it will always be a part of me, I can control it.
I have family (my mom, my dad, brother, grandmother), my friends (Mal, Brandi, Leeza, you, Nikola), and an angel by my side. My little angel. Always in my heart. Exactly where she belongs.
And, you know, I feel better. I really do. I've always wanted her to know just how much I love her. And she's telling me she does. And that she loves me too. She loves her daddy...
I'm about to lose it again. And I need to go to bed. Just thought I'd share the good news.

View more

Can't get the second link to work.
I'm sitting her racking my brain, and I can't think of a film I've enjoyed, but not liked the ending. I either like the whole thing, or hate it. But I'm weird as I actually like a lot of movie that people think are bad. Matrix 2 and 3, the Star Wars prequels, G.I. Joe The Rise of Cobra. You get the idea.
Hang on, let me go through my movie library real quick.
The closest I've found where I almost didn't like the end was Inception. Where the last shot is of the top. But upon another viewing, I realized it doesn't matter if it keeps spinning or not. Cobb has what he wants. He has his children back. Whether he's actually in reality or not, he has them back. And that's all that matters.
Realizing how weird I am about these things, and how I can actually enjoy stuff a lot of people find bad actually kind of has me worried about my writing. No secret, The Wolf Chronicles is one of my lesser works, but I intend to see it through to the end. But other things like Death's Apprentice, I want people to enjoy it. I want it to be enjoyable. There is a quote from what I consider the final episode of Supernatural (season five, Swan Song, let's face it the show has gone to shit since then) that talks about endings. "Endings are hard. Any chapped-ass monkey with a keyboard can poop out a beginning, but endings are impossible. You try to tie up every loose end, but you never can. The fans are always gonna bitch. There's always gonna be holes. And since it's the ending, it's all supposed to add up to something. I'm telling you, they're a raging pain in the ass."-God aka Chuck. They are a raging pain in the ass. I can vouch. But they can be one of the most important things. Because, depending on the person, it can make or break a work of fiction.

View more