@MissParkerMarie

Parker Marie

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Thanks very much for the response, it's helped a lot :). As does a lot of your writing!

I'm really glad to hear that. :)

Did you have doubts or confusion about your gender identity, even once you began a hormonal transition?

Yeah. I mean, how often are you ever 100% sure of anything? Life is confusing, filled with doubt, and when the world is telling you you're wrong, of course you're bound to let a little of that negativity seep in. I'm confident that I've made the right life choices, though, and I'm just trying to do the best I can.
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Liked by: Kat Blake Croissant

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How do you deal with rejection when youre writing

I listen to some really loud music, smoke a cigarette, and do a little bit of free writing. Sometimes it helps clear the mind, boost my confidence.
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Liked by: Blake Croissant

As someone in my late 20's/struggling with gender identity, a lot of times the stories of how people came to transition only increase my self doubt because I'm not sure if I fit into them - I feel almost as if I should at times. Would you say that the idea of a common "trans narrative" is damaging?

Ah, yes, the "trans narrative." "I knew since I was 3 years old, I always played with dolls, blah blah blah..." Here's a secret: whether you realize you're trans when you're 5 or 50, you're just as valid as anyone else. For those people who do fall into that narrative? Awesome, good for them. Is that the ONLY narrative? Nope.
We're all individuals, and we may come to the same points through vastly different paths. Don't let a lack of adherence to one person's path stop you from paving your own.
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Liked by: Kat Blake Croissant E.Winter Grey Emmy Marie

What's your thoughts on trans women who choose to live in "stealth?" I've been stealth since I was about 16 years old and it bugs me how many trans folk I know, that are aware of my history, give me grief about it. I don't consider myself trans anymore -- I'm a full grown, old woman.

Psh. Screw them. You don't have an obligation to be openly trans. How is demanding someone be out any different than the intrusive tactics the media often takes to trans people? Both are forms of invasion of privacy.
Do I think there's social value in being openly trans? Yeah, sure. But you don't have an obligation to be out. I wrote a bit about that here. http://the-toast.net/2014/01/27/trans-people-responsibility/
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Liked by: Kat

Did you do any writing pretransition?

I did, though I kept it mostly to myself. I guess I didn't want to draw anymore attention to my than I had to back then, so I kept it to myself.
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Liked by: E.Winter Grey

How do you find the time to do all that writing?

I wake up a few times throughout the night. Often, I'll start writing something, and then try to edit it back into making sense in the morning. Also, I do a LOT of writing while riding public transportation.

Did you ever see the show, "Hit & Miss", and if you have, do you feel that it handled its transgender issues in a respectful manner to actual transgendered people?

Kenny_Riot’s Profile PhotoKenny Riot
I haven't seen it, so I can't really comment on it. However, I did a radio interview recently, and one of the people interviewing me did see the show, saying that it taught him to respect trans people, so... I don't know.

[TW: Invasive personal question] What is one event from your life that has scarred you forever, but if you had the choice, you would never undo it?

Easy. Losing my virginity. It's something that had to happen at some point, so I don't wish to undo it, but my hopes that, "hey, maybe I'll feel more comfortable with myself after this," were dashed. I kind of hoped that I'd "feel like a man" after it. nope.com/iamnotaman
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Liked by: Dean Alexander E.Winter Grey

You are one of the most argumentative and miserable people I've ever encountered. Don't you ever get exhausted from bitching constantly? Get a REAL therapist!

*smiles, nods, slinks away*
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Any tips for aspiring writers?

Find your niche. What makes your writing different than other people who write on the same topic? Find that, amplify it, start churning out pieces.
Writing exercise:
Pick a topic, write 1,000 words. Now, re-write it as 750 words without losing your general point. Now, try to get it down to 500. This is a cool exercise I do every once in a while just to keep my writing focused, not filled with meaningless filler.
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Liked by: Soledad Medrano Adina Blake Croissant Alicia Artemissian

I'm really impressed that you take the time to answer some very rude and insensitive comments thoughtfully and without reproach. Nice job taking the high road! I'm curious: what music do you like? Are there any particular songs that speak to transitioning or trans issues for you?

No problem. Happy to. Funny you should ask. My college degree is in arts and media management, with a focus on music business. Right out of college, I worked for a small record label, then went on to work with the manager of a local musician (Andrew Bird - check him out). As far as trans-centric albums/songs, I highly recommend Transgender Dysphoria Blues by Against Me! It's both an amazing record, and the first piece of music that has really been so blatantly relatable.
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Liked by: Adina Dean Alexander Blake Croissant

My mom is trans, & had several S.R. surgeries in the late '90's. Based on her physical experiences after & changing acceptance of trans bodies, she feels that surgery is not an option she'd choose today. Do you think desire for "the surgery" is motivated more by social or individual ideas of gender?

That's a good question. Ultimately, it comes down to the individual. If someone has extreme body dysphoria, that in itself is a strong enough motivation. Others might find other reasons to seek that out, one being society's attitude toward trans people. It's definitely a complicated issue, and any decision has to be made by the individual.
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Liked by: Adina Dean Alexander Blake Croissant

Not a question: Thank you very much for that document from PFLAG. Just skimming the chapters I can tell it will be a lot of help. And thanks for doing this. :)

No problem!
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Do you think concepts like "loved ones need time to grieve the loss of the person you were" are apologizing for attitudes that, in reality, are inappropriate? I'm plagiarizing a post originally by autisticdean on tumblr--is feeling like your friend has literally died because they're not cis okay?

While I do believe people need a chance to adjust to change, I don't think it's on us, the people coming out, to be forced to accept whatever their process is. If someone refuses to make a true effort to get names and pronouns right, I would personally distance myself from that person until they can assure you that they value you enough as a person to try. Otherwise, if we keep just accepting bad behavior, it sets up being trans as something that can be a compromise. Who I am is not a compromise.
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Liked by: wren gayle romano Dean Alexander

My sibling in law came out to me as trans recently and far from being confused I was very excited for them. I'm sure this is a step that will help them to be much happier. I'm wondering if you know of any good resources for families of trans people? So I can be as supportive as possible?

That is awesome! And yes, receiving support and affirmation is so very helpful to anyone, especially trans people. I absolutely swear by the "Welcoming Our Trans Family and Friends" document PFLAG put out. It's comprehensive, and it presents trans issues in an easy-to-digest way of laying things out. You can find it here: http://community.pflag.org/transgender

You're admittedly someone I really look up to in the trans/queer blogging world. Any hints on getting one's writing read by more people?

Thank you! As far as getting your writing out to more people, I'd recommend writing about a topic you're familiar with, especially if you think you can put a new twist on it. Make your writing relatable! I write about trans topics, but I don't write FOR trans people. I try to frame my work to be digestible by anyone, whether or not they're trans.
Also, link to other articles in your writing, then reach out to the author. Often, if someone sees you referencing their piece in a way that enriches the original, they'll share, comment, or at least read your work.
Beyond that, be sure to post it to social media channels. Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr, and if you have the stomach for it, reddit.

I'm starting to confront whether I want to transition, later in my life than I would like (already 30, near the end of grad school, not so employable), and I don't have any trans friends to talk to. Can being open about ambivalence in therapy now throw up institutional barriers to HRT access later?

I get that. Ultimately, the decision to transition is yours alone. 30 isn't too old, so please don't think that. I was 26 when I started hormones, and I know some wonderful, happy, beautiful people who transitioned after 30. As far as whether or not you should open up about your feelings on the matter to a therapist, that's tricky. If you have a good therapist, they'll do what good therapists do: listen to you, act as a sounding board, allow you to work out your thoughts. If your therapist gives you a rough time, sounds like you need to find a new therapist (though I understand in some areas this isn't an option).
And when it comes to not having trans friends, reach out sometime. I'll be your friend. There. Now you have one. Also, chat with some of the other awesome trans folks on Twitter or whatever. So many good people out there.

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