@MissParkerMarie

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Is acceptance of transgender hindered by public attitudes to other forms of gender non-conformity e.g. transvestism?

Well, I think the real issue lies in the fact that the public doesn't see a difference between a binary identified trans woman, a genderqueer person, a cross dresser or a drag queen. While some might identify under the "trans*" umbrella (I'm hesitant to put drag queens in there, but hey, however someone identifies, cool), we're all wildly different.
A drag queen might identify as a gay cis man. A cross dresser may identify as a straight cis man. I identify as a trans lesbian woman.
The issue with public perception is that people see someone like RuPaul on TV, where he's saying the T word over and over and over, and they go, "okay! Cool! That's a word I can use!" Or people might watch his show and think "okay, so this is what transgender people are." (RuPaul is NOT transgender... sigh). I'm certain that when I came out as trans, there were likely some folks that immediately connected what they saw on TV with what I told them. This, obviously, is wrong, but it highlights am important issue: trans perceptions in the media!
How often is the T word used on TV as the butt of a joke? How often are trans people depicted as artificial and over the top? How often is the role of a trans person on TV either that of a sex worker or of a corpse? Too often! It's this type of media misrepresentation that leads to real-life assumptions of trans people.

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Does patriarchy irritate because apart from losing some brute strength you are no less able than you were before you started your transition? Or is it reassuring or reaffirming because it provides a form of feedback on how your transition is progressing?

It should be noted that I never exactly had "brute strength," but yeah, outside of being predisposed to certain physical advantages, there is no legitimate reason for the patriarchy to exist. A woman could do a "man's job," just as a man could do a "woman's job." The fact that two individuals with identical skill sets & levels will receive different levels of pay or treated with different levels of credibility is extremely fucked up.
Since transitioning at work, I've noticed that I'm taken less seriously, given less credibility to my suggestions, and I'm talked over during meetings. I don't take this as being reassuring or reaffirming.

In my case from a very young age I wanted to be a girl and it was very much later that I realised that (apart from my biology) I actually was female. It was dating that made me realise that in my head I wasn't a guy. What made you realise?

Honestly, I can't pinpoint what it was that caused things to "click" for me. There was no a-ha moment where I was suddenly certain that I was a girl. Just, growing up, I separated myself from groups as I just didn't understand how to socialize with the other boys my age. This isn't to say that I understood how to socialize with the girls in my class, either. I was just a complete loner.
I think the moment where things really shifted was when my class went to this strange sex-ed field trip thing. "Boys, go in this room. Girls go in that one." It was there where they explained what would be happening as we went through puberty. I remember leaving feeling very sad, very distraught. Why would I have to go through this? Why? Why couldn't I go through what the girls got told!
I remember saying something to the effect of "this sucks." The kid didn't understand why I wasn't looking forward to facial hair, body hair, downstairs stuff. I didn't understand how he was looking forward to that stuff. That was the point where it registered with me that I was different, and I should hide this. So, I pushed these thoughts to the back of my head, tried to ignore this.
Finally, at age 26, I realized that I couldn't deal with this feeling anymore. It was transition or go to a dark place.
I chose life, even if it's hard.

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Of the three....trans, aethist and female, which one would be most significant in preventing you from being elected?

A 2012 Gallup poll indicated that 46% of Americans would not vote for an atheist under any circumstance.
A 2009 poll indicated that 4% would not vote for a woman under any circumstances.
There doesn't seem to be any data about whether or not someone would/would not vote for a trans person, but I'd imagine that the number would be very unfavorable.
Congress currently has 97 women (18.1%), 1 atheist (non-theist, declared; though I do imagine that there are many just pretending to be religious for the sake of electability), and 0 trans politicians (no trans person has ever received the nomination of a major party for a Congressional seat).
All-in-all, trans-ness & atheist-ness will keep me out of politics. I'm okay with that.

Do you think humans will ever get to the point where tolerance and acceptance is the default position? Or will one society or other always be predjudiced against others that are somehow different to them?

I think it's important to point out the differences between "tolerance" and "acceptance." To tolerate something is to deal with it. To accept something, now that's a real step.
I think it's possible to get to the point where people will tolerate each other. This may happen through laws (hate crime laws, non-discrimination laws, etc.) or through societal pressure (people who say bigoted things are made to look bad). Will people ever truly accept each other, though? That's harder to say. It may become the default. Like right now, if someone came out to you as gay, the default assumption would be that you're an emotionally intelligent enough person to take this news in. Someone who freaks out over such news would be considered the emotionally-stunted outlier.
So, while yes, tolerance and acceptance may be on their way to being the norm; that doesn't mean that the world will be free of intolerance anytime soon, as there will always be outliers.

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The next 10 years go absolutely 100% perfectly......what would you like that to mean?

Politically: President Hillary Clinton will be finishing up her second term; during which she enacted federal employment non-discrimination laws, reinstated strong financial regulations and took substantial action to curb climate change. Marriage equality would be an actual thing. The size of the US military & involvement in foreign wars would shrink.
Socially: People would accept others. No more of this religiously-based discrimination. The gender wage gap would cease to exist. When people hear the term "tea party," they'll think of little girls playing with dolls, not hillbillies with colonial costumes.

What would President Parker Marie see as the main priorities for her first term?

I think we may be quite a ways away from having a trans, atheist woman as our president.

I'd be horrified if any of my questions were creepy and I sincerely apologise if that is the case.

If I've answered them, they weren't creepy!

If you had been born cis do you think your life up to now would have been massively different? To what extent does being trans define who you are and has determined the life you have had?

While I don't think being trans "defines who I am," I'm certain that my life would have been massively different had I been cis (whether a cis male or cis female). I lived a childhood where I shut myself off, almost entirely, from the world. I took the energy that would have been devoted to building friendships, and instead, I put that into writing, school work and reading. As a result, I feel like I overachieved during my time in school.
I think about things like this a lot. "What if I would have been cis?" "What if I would have transitioned at an earlier age?" And while they're excellent "what ifs," I know that my life is shaped by the interactions that happen every day. Had I transitioned at a younger age, I likely wouldn't have met my partner. Had I transitioned at a younger age, who knows if I would have even be in Chicago right now. After all, the reason I moved here in the first place was so I could be within driving distance to my parents in case I had a meltdown.
I think it's important that we don't get bitter about things we cannot change, as it is those things that shape who we are.

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Liked by: kat haché

Hi, I meant the latter, where trans women are attracted to women. Anecdotally there seems to be a higher % of trans women who are lesbian (higher than than the % of cis women) and I wonder if dysphoria might be one of the reasons why. Wondering what you thought.

Thanks for clarifying. Honestly, I have absolutely no idea if there's anything to it related to gender ID. Maybe being socialized as a male would instill the thought that "you are SUPPOSED to be attracted to women," but that still doesn't account for why this person actually IS attracted to women.
One possibility, and this is entirely just my own thought, is that during the process of really trying to figure yourself out (something I would imagine most trans people have to go through - I certainly did), you really have to learn what makes you happy, what you're attracted to. Also, compared to being trans, being a lesbian is a piece of cake, socially speaking (acceptance-wise). So, maybe it's just that, after going through self examination and willingness to take ourselves out of the majority, out of the expected, we're just more open to being honest with ourselves than cis folks. Social acceptability be damned!
But again, I could be entirely wrong.

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Anecdotally, there seems to be a greater tendency for trans women to be gay than there is for cis women. To what extent do you think dysmorphia affects sexuality?

Hmmm... So, to make sure I've got the question right, you're asking about trans women being attracted to men? ("gay" in the sense that prior to transition, they were attracted to the same sex/people also assigned male at birth) Or do you mean "gay" in the sense that it applies to me, in which trans women are attracted to other women? If you want to clarify, maybe I can give a more accurate answer.
(Note: I'm a trans woman solely attracted to women, so I may not be the best resource on other scenarios)
To your question (I'm going to go with the first example, as I believe that's more the status quo, where trans women are attracted to men): these women are actually straight, in that they're attracted to people of the opposite gender (men), so really, that would make sense that there are so many out there.
Overall, though, the key takeaway should be this: gender and sexual orientation are two completely different things. I'm a trans lesbian, because I am attracted to women and I'm comfortable classifying myself that way. Another trans woman may also be solely attracted to women, but use different terms to describe herself.

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Thank you for giving such thoughtful and considered answers. If any question takes your head anywhere you don't want it to go please feel free to ignore.

Psh. No problem. This is fun, and I'm pretty open about my transness.

Do you think increasing acceptance of homosexuality will eventually also mean greater trans acceptance? Or does the average person clearly differentiate between sexuality and gender and the effect will be negligible?

Yes and no. While LGB and T are often linked together, from what I've seen, the T will never be given comparable levels of priority by groups & lobbyists who advocate for these groups.
However, I think that as the public begins to accept people who aren't "like them," being trans will become (slightly?) more publicly accepted.

Does stealth (an ideal for many, probably most) deny other trans of role models? Do we need a secret handshake?

While I think it's helpful to have out trans allies, I completely understand the desire to go "stealth." Not everyone is an in-your-face, out and proud activist. Some people just want to live their lives, be who they are. There are thousands of ways someone can define themselves, and maybe "trans" is not at the top of their list.
I'm not stealth, but that's largely because: a.) Ha! Look at me! b.) I feel like it's important to bring trans issues into mainstream life
Luckily, there are a lot of really awesome, well known, out trans role models these days: Janet Mock, Laura Jane Grace, etc. I don't think we'll ever lack role models.

If every single trans person was to do one thing to help make a difference, and every single one of us took part, what do you think would have the greatest impact?

Deep question, but I think the answer is: be yourself.
If everyone could just be themselves, those who fear us will eventually come to realize that trans people are more than just what they see on Jerry Springer *shudders*.
To paraphrase Harvey Milk:
"Trans brothers and sisters,... You must come out. Come out... to your parents... I know that it is hard and will hurt them but think about how they will hurt you in the voting booth! Come out to your relatives... come out to your friends... if indeed they are your friends. Come out to your neighbors... to your fellow workers... to the people who work where you eat and shop... come out only to the people you know, and who know you. Not to anyone else. But once and for all, break down the myths, destroy the lies and distortions. For your sake. For their sake. For the sake of the youngsters who are becoming scared by the votes from Dade to Eugene.”

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Liked by: kat haché

What's more important, equality in terms of legal rights and protections or acceptance in terms of society not discriminating against anyone trans in day to day life?

I don't think it's possible to really separate the two. If we want legal protections (employment, specifically), we need to work to improve acceptance within society, itself.
This can be done by altering the perception people have of trans people. Show them that we're just regular people. De-bunk myths about trans people. Call out media outlets that perpetuate stereotypes about us.
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Liked by: kat haché

Is the struggle for trans equality doomed to fail simply because there are too few of us for any government to care about our votes?

This really depends on how you look at things. Correct, trans people alone will never make up enough of a force to single-handedly force change. Most polls have a margin of error of 2.5 - 3%, more than the entire trans population in any individual country (likely).
This means that if we want to see policy shift in our favor, we need to change public perception of trans people. We need to recruit and educate allies. Most allies don't realize how dire the situation is regarding government-imposed policy. I was speaking to someone the other day who assumed that it was illegal to fire someone in the US for being trans. Obviously, this isn't the case. This was shocking news to them.
So basically, I feel like there is an opportunity to see real, substantive change in policy related to trans people. We just need to win the battle on hearts & minds, changing perception.

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Liked by: kat haché

If someone is not able to change their appearance enough to be able to successfully present as female, what would you advise them regarding transition?

Simply put, going into transition, there's no way to know what you'll look like as time goes on. Hormones are pretty amazing, though, and you'd be surprised what effects they can have physically (as well as mentally).
Maybe you might not end up looking like a super model; I know I don't. Maybe there are some features you'll never be comfortable with, but every woman has features she feels self-conscious about.
You should transition for you. Being able to be yourself is the best gift you can give yourself.
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Liked by: kat haché

When you came out to people who knew you well was the reaction mostly one of shock/surprise or did they have an eureka moment where some aspects of the past were suddenly put in context and they understood why e.g. that you had exhibited particular behaviours?

I think this news came as a shock to the vast majority of people I told. I was never especially effeminate acting. Again, this goes back to the fact that for most of my life, I'd put up some thick walls to keep myself from being me. I had convinced myself that I was wrong and I was broken. Finally, after coming out, I could be me.
So, no, no one was really like, "ah! it all makes sense!" when I told them, and that's okay.

Since going full-time do others understand you better? Maybe through your gender presentation being in-line with everything else e.g. your thought processes, your body language etc?

Good question! While I do think people understand me better, I'm not sure that it's because things seem more "in-line" with everything else or if I was intentionally coming off as an extremely angry and closed off person before, making my attitudes & actions non-sensical.
What I do feel, though, is that I now have the ability to make friends. I know that sounds ridiculous, but it's true. Before transitioning, I would have to pretend to be someone else around people if I wanted to socialize, and really, that's exhausting! Now I can be me, and I feel more in touch with my own personality, letting me let others into my life.
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Liked by: kat haché

You are allowed to give 10yr old Parker one piece of advice. What would you tell her?

Trust yourself. You're about to start feeling very isolated in the world, and you should just know that it's not your fault. Trust your instincts. Be you.
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Liked by: kat haché

Is there one reason above any other why you know with certainty that you are trans?

You don't. You just don't know. Nothing is certain, especially when you're trying to figure out who you are. We're all conditioned to fit nicely into pre-determined gender roles, and when we think or act outside of the role we're assigned at birth, we're made to feel shame.
Understandably, this may make you doubt yourself... forever.
One moment when I knew 100% that this was "me," was about 2 weeks into hormones. Things just seemed clear in my head, for the first time ever.
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Liked by: kat haché

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