Dmomsfanpage

Okay you don't have to tell me what I don't have to do... And yes I am going to get defensive because it's a freaking tv show! You should be mature enough to understand that it's edited to make every person on that show the way the producers want to be. Maddie was freaking 11 and god knows what happened behind the camera. Have you ever actually thought that maybe abby told her that they are not going to compete with that duet that day and when Chloe asked her she said no because that what she was told. Do you actually understand how much stress these kids have? They are judged not only by their teacher but also by all the fans, especially Maddie because no matter what she does or say there is always someone who will give her hard time about it because thank to the producers she is portrayed as that bratty and cocky girl who's life is given on a plate to her like seriously...

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You know, first I didn't even want to answer this because no one will understand anyway... But because you are probably the first person to ask me what's wrong and if I am okay ill answer...

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First to my mind comes everything, but when I think about it it's not true, at school things are going actually pretty well. I have friends, I have fun, I laugh...
But when I come home my mood turns into I don't know what. Either I'm mad or sad. But it's not a big deal. The big deal is when I go to rehearsals. I sit there watching my friends do what I love, what I've been doing since I was 3 years old, what I literally live for. I turn into a depressed girl who just stares forward, doesn't say a word and who is battling back her tears...
My coaches say that it'll be okay, we will find something that will make it better and you soon will be on the stage again... My team mates say that too, but they don't know that I don't have much time left, that I probably have 3 weeks and that's it, I'll have to quit if I won't be able to perform, because my mom doesn't have money to pay the bills.
(Great I'm bawling over here...)

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I've had hope, I truly believed that I'll be fine, that my back stops hurting, but NO. Every time it gets a little better, I fill with hope, because I don't want to quit, because this is my life, this is what I've born to do. But after that comes a week when my back is hurting me so much that I can't handle it anymore. And I cry.
But nobody knows...

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Why it's me? Why?! I have always been told that I am born to do this, that I am naturally talented, that I'm gift to this sport... Why is it me who cries at nights when everyone else are sleeping simply because I can sleep because my back hurts so much... Why when I am at school when people ask where I am going to college I answer that I don't know, that I have to wait and see if I am going to quit gymnastics or not. Why they tell me that they can't imagine me not doing it, that it's just not right... WHY?
I act like I don't care but inside I'm dying.
I'm loosing part of me, part of my soul
Life is not meant be like this, right?
Day by day I'm preparing myself to the day when I have to let go of what I love the most, the day that will change everything, that will change me...
(I'm literally bawling here...)
This is not what I wanted. I wanted to be happy. But this is not it. And my only question again is why?

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